Reverb 11 - Day 1

So...the year is nearly over. I loved Michelle Fajkus's idea about Reflecting and Manifesting in December...so here is my first response.

Today's Prompt :

Encapsulate your 2011 in one word. Why that word? What would you like your word to be for 2012? Why?

My word this year is valley. I am at the in-between place. I could move forward into something new. I could climb the hill behind me and restore the places I've dwelled before. I'm learning to relax into this uncomfortable place. To resist the urge to wish it away. I am sitting in the valley, until it's time to go.

I'm not sure about my 2012 word yet. I'm trying to just be where I am and not "want" whatever is next too badly. Maybe as the month progresses I will figure out next year's word.

Hey there...

So if you've stumbled upon my blog, you may have also noticed that I've stopped updating it. For the time being, I am doing most of my blogging over here. Stop by & leave me a comment!

I Never Saw a Wild Thing Sorry for Itself (or...What's up With That Blog Title Anyway?)

"I never saw a wild thing sorry for itself. A bird will fall frozen dead from a bough without ever having felt sorry for itself."

~ D.H. Lawrence "Self Pity"

So if you've been on any type of social media today, chances are you've heard a great deal of complaining.
The weather is too hot/cold/wet/dry.
I'm too busy.
I'm not busy enough.
I wish I was married.
I wish I was single.
I wish I had a job.
I hate my job.
No one likes me -- I'm lonely.
People won't give me any space.

Wah. Wah. Wah.
And to all that I say - ENOUGH!
While life is full of so many magnificent emotions...self-pity is perhaps the most overused, and the biggest waste of precious precious life.

Am I just being insensitive? If self-pity is part of the human experience, isn't that a good enough reason to indulge?

10 years ago this weekend I was in NYC.  My husband (then boyfriend) and I were in a wedding on Long Island, but wanted to make a mini-vacation out of it. We stayed in the Millenium Hilton next to WTC. We spent the 9th walking around the city. He wanted to go up to the top of the towers, but I had already been. We were running low on time (and funds) so we said, "next time."

Clearly, there was no next time. For weeks, I had nightmares.  The view out my window had been the towers...it was so vividly etched in my mind that all I could see when I closed my eyes were bodies falling out of those windows, faces on fire that I couldn't help. I would wake up, convinced I smelled smoke on me, nauseated.

We knew people who were affected -- working in the city, but safe. Friends of friends knew someone who died. I was in a job interview when the towers were hit and chaos ensued as people ran around the building, desperately seeking answers to what seemed  unreal. My father was due to fly to California that morning, and I remember the dark, aching knot in my stomach until I reached him on the phone. I stayed in that place for awhile. Poor me.  It's so scary. Poor us, poor America. Violence isn't supposed to touch us. I don't think I can fly anymore. I don't know if I can trust the person next to me. It's too scary out there. I have too much to lose. Look at how it's hurting me. Poor me.

And this brings me to my problem with self-pity.

When we dive into self pity, we leave no room for compassion.  We leave no room to be ALIVE. When we focus on some perceived slight or loss - we miss out on what's really important. If I am busy crying, "Woe is me...I have it soooo bad!" we close our eyes to the needs of others. If we stay in that dark hole of self-pity, we miss out on changing the world. Life is not a competition; we are all on the same team.  And none of us gets out alive.

Consider Steve Jobs, who many of us would consider the pinnacle of American Success. Yet he's dying. He can't escape that destination. And rather than crying out about how unfair it is he says this:

"Because almost everything — all external expectations, all pride, all fear of embarrassment or failure - these things just fall away in the face of death, leaving only what is truly important. Remembering that you are going to die is the best way I know to avoid the trap of thinking you have something to lose. You are already naked. There is no reason not to follow your heart."

You can choose to stay closed off, cut off from the wildness of an authentic life by self-pity. Or you can be a wild thing, heart always open, fearless, compassionate.

When it comes up (because it will, because our society sings the self-pity song so loudly and so often) let it be a reminder:  turn your self over and open your heart.

The Best Day

For the past 4 days, I've gotten to the end of the day, meditated, fallen into bed, and then thought, "What a wonderful day!" before drifting off to sleep.  Sure...I've spent lots of time with people I love.  Laughed a lot.  Spent much of those 4 days outdoors.  Spent little of them watching TV.  But I think it's really more than that.  I'm a little saddened and stunned and delighted and amazed that it's taken me this long in life to realize it -- but those best days aren't the best days because of all the things I get.


All of our best days are the best because of what we give.

                                           Photo:  A. Vernola

And maybe even more than that...

What about the days that hurt? What about the day I broke my leg on the mountainside?  What about the day I had a miscarriage?  What about the day I had my heart broken?  What about the day my grandmother died?  What about the days I woke up in the fog of depression?  What about...days that just about ripped me to pieces?  What about those "bad" days?

Each and every one of those days (and others I chose to omit or have forgotten) connected me more deeply to true compassion for others.  It's one thing to look at other people and objectively wish them well.  It's another to take the own suffering we've had, and stay raw, and learn to feel true compassion.

In the end, they're all best days.

Recycling & Gratitude

It's a rare occurrence, but I am speechless.  Actually, I am also slightly sunburned, bruised, and just plain worn out - body and mind.  This week I worked hard, played harder, and am preparing for my last exam of the semester tomorrow morning.  Followed by a month off (of school anyway...)

So, let me recycle & send a bit of the best I've read this week:

About Boobs

Blendtec

Brownies

and the Bhagavad Gita.


Enjoy!  I will be back to blogging post-exam.

And since it is Friday....

I am thankful for fabulous friends, my peach trees, lots of beach time, lots of aloe, and my children laughing like uninhibited hyenas...hope they always love each other this much.

ABC....Easy as 123

1 = Apple
2 = Carrots
3 = Beets

Ok, so the apple isn't local this time of year, but worth it.  If you want to get a little fancy and spicy with it you can make it ABCD salad and add Daikon radish.

Chop 'em up.  Toss 'em up with some Newman's Own Raspberry Walnut dressing.  I like supporting companies that get it right.   (But if you want to make your own dressing - honey or agave, red wine vinegar, and a little walnut oil is fab too.) 

Amazing.  In fact, the reason there is no picture of the finished product is because we ate it all before I remembered to take a pic.  Added bonus of eating beet salad is that it makes your lips this amazing color like you've been kissed well and often.


I'll say it...even if it's a little silly...I am thankful for beets.

And I am thankful for Winter Caplanson & Sleepy Moon Soaps.  
I now smell lovely and delicious thanks to her Patchouli Tangerine soap!

Drop those Pop Tarts

Courtesy of Summer Tomato